Part Four - "Hey, Mister Stimmel!"'

     I can smell and feel a cold-front moving in..A blue norther but without the sleet..

I walk to the front of my car and with crossed arms, lean against it..The two cops approach slowly, checking my off-brand ass out with, " Approach With Caution," lights blinking on both their foreheads.

"Officers.." I say.

(If buzzed, and speaking to LEO's never say any word beginning with "H" or "W."  Your breath will carry three feet..Cops know this well - it's in their Bag of Tricks- but now, so do you.)

I love cops. They are the salt of the Earth and most of them do an impossible, very dangerous job, for around $60,000  a year with grace and courage..Let that sink in a second..

(The next time you're pulled over check your sideview mirror as he approaches your car. The officer will - 

discretely plant a finger or thumbprint on your taillight..This is because if you have a gun in your crotch and you shoot him, (or her) there will be a unique ID on your vehicle proving that you are the piece of shit that did it..

However.. Cops WILL lie to you - it's part of the job, and if you feel anything is a little hinky - ask him if you are being detained..If not, drive away slowly after merging into traffic with your blinker on.. If so, say very politely but firmly, "All respect, sir - no more talking.." Period.. If you're hauled down to the station say clearly as soon as possible, "Lawyer," ( for the audio and video because I promise you are being recorded..) The rules have been changed now and the less you say the better - if they didn't think there was good cause for you being there you wouldn't be.. If you are arrested and booked for ANY reason wait for your attorney.. Don't discuss the weather,  nothing - anything you say WILL be used against you in a court of law..

Legally, they have to fuck off right then..

Anyway,  more cops, an ambulance, and a couple of fire engines have joined us..Everything in Mansfield that has a red light on top comes too..Now, it's a party..

By now I've already told my story..But I have to say, "This is a lot of attention for one barfight..What's going on?"

" The medics can't get a pulse in his leg.."

One of my students is walking up the sidewalk to the restaurant, "Hey Mister Stimmel!" I wave back.  I see three school buses that were returning with the basketball team from an away game slow down to see what all the commotion is about..

I do my best to look harmless and keep a poker face..

I see Lady again in the crowd and hollar her name..She comes over. "Will you please tell the police what happened?"  It was a roll of the dice, but it was the best play I had..

(Do you know why when the cops are busting down a door they scream, "POE - LEECE!" ?  Because, "Police!" sounds too much like "Please!" - and they're not asking you anything nicely.. Lady tells the story perfectly - including how the guy swung at me first..

Croc Dundee is still on the floor inside, Paramedics and firemen working furiously on him..I can hear two females nearby telling another cop what an asshole he is and that they are both glad he's got a mouthful of bloody Chiclets..

Minutes pass..

BOTH of us, although I don't think either of us cared at the time, are written citations for public disturbance - Fighting In Public - a Class C Misdemeanor.. I am released.. I go back inside and finish my drink..The restaurant manager tells me that I am banned for one year.. Whatever, Scooter.. As I'm leaving , (not behind the wheel!) -  a Care-Flite chopper is landing in the parking lot..Australian was loaded up on a stretcher and into it..I never saw him again but heard that he was deported later on..

But he did get a free helicoptor ride out of the experience!

I still had to deal with work Monday morning..

Next, Part Finish..