We were at lunch one day when the subject of bowel movements came up..” I ain’t had a solid shit since I got here” Lewis said matter of factly, while smothering his French fries in hot sauce and mustard.. I agreed, looking suspiciously at my own plate. (This is considered entirely appropriate conversation at a table of six men - in a Rehab.) A light bulb went off above Frank’s head and he said “Original John’s right - they must be putting Salt-Peter in our food just like they do in prison!” He knew about this from first hand experience, ( by now, after eight days, I had seniority among the other two Johns. They were both known as simply, Number Two..) I said “ Frank, I’m not arguing with you but if they put the stuff in prison food, why is multiple rape such a problem?” “ Because nobody eats anything that isn’t wrapped and sealed.” Makes sense, I thought, picturing piles of new Frito bags and Hostess Twinkies..
“ I gotta go blow some mud..Again,” Corbin said.. We all nodded sympathetically then realized that there was now one less candidate to be the last one eating- and therefore table cleaner by Rehab Law..
“What’s this afternoon’s schedule?” It was Tweety Bird, ( Yellow Carl.) “Same as yesterday and the day before that,” Todd answered..Yellow Carl’s treatment was actually working. When he arrived he was the color of an old lemon, but he had been )drinking some glucose gunk, and NOT drinking a box of wine for breakfast everyday.. “You’re starting to look actually human - ish” I said.. Carl smiled.. Steven said “We got pool time at 2:30 today - are you gonna share, Carl?” “Share what ?” “Your yellow submarine!” We all laughed, including Tweety Bird..But he was beginning to catch on.. He looked back at Steven, ( who had summer teeth - summer here, summer there, and summer missing. ) “At least I don’t look like a fucking Jack-o-lantern!”
By this time we were all beating on the table and laughing so hard I was about to choke and Frank almost fell off of his chair.. Our babysitter counselor was eyeing our table warily, wondering which one of us had smuggled in the drugs..
JBS Blackheart
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