On Death..

 “Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die..”

At 64 I find myself contemplating death more often. It’s an unknowing abstraction to animals - but it’s a very real and inevitable thing to us. There are entire industries built around it.

I’ve been asked several times the meaning of life and I always answer, “I don’t know, I just got here myself.”

Woody Allen said, “ I’m not afraid of dying-I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” Not me - I want to be up and running when my heart blows a piston and be dead before I hit the ground.  I’d miss out on last goodbyes, but farewells are overrated anyway.. (You may be the one on the deathbed but you’ll spend all your time consoling your visitors.) 

I’ve chosen cremation over burial - (I’ve never let anyone walk over me and see no reason to change now..)  Hopefully, my ashes will be strewn in the Brazos River where my roots are and where I’ve had so many good times..

Before Christianity cremation was common, but when Christ was risen and had to assure the Apostle Thomas that it was really him by letting the man put his fingers into the nail holes - things changed.. As usual we overthought and decided that it would be a whole lot easier for God to reanimate an intact body rather than ashes that would have to be collected after being scattered to the four winds.

For a doctor to pronounce a death, ( and only a doctor can do it officially, even if the head is missing, ) certain criteria has to be met. There are a few ways to do this including, 1)  Check the pupils to see if they’re fixed, dilated, and unresponsive to light. 2) Using a rubber bulb syringe squirt ice water into the ear. And, 3)  Take their thumbnail and grind it into the sternum. All of these are done usually after the basics like checking for breathing or a heartbeat, but I find my three ways much more interesting, if not a little sadistic..

If you flunk these tests, you are ready for your thanatoptic chamber..

If you have chosen not to be embalmed you should be buried or burned within 48 hours. Your body begins to decompose immediately after death and by the second day you will begin to get “ fragrant.”  Embalming fixes everything temporarily, allowing your friends and family to say goodbye and then meet afterwards to laugh, eat, get drunk, and tell wonderful stories about you you’d be glad that you’re dead to keep from hearing.. ( The embalming process is nothing short of medieval and hasn’t changed much in the last 5,000 years. )

Then, you are planted ( without shoes ) and the real fun begins..

It costs me never a stab nor squirm, to tread by chance upon a worm,   “ Aha, my little dear,” I say, “ your clan will pay me back one day. “    Dorothy Parker

About 20 years ago a friend committed the ultimate philosophical question - Suicide.         While I was viewing his corpse the few others that were there left..David and I were alone and it didn’t feel creepy at all - as a matter of fact, it felt serene.  I ran my fingers across his shirt and, feeling the crude stitches, knew he’d been autopsied..We talked, ( well, I talked,) for a minute and then I wished him Bon Voyage...

What happens when we die?  No mortal has ever come back from what Shakespeare called the Undiscovered Country to tell us..We all have our own beliefs but only one thing is certain - everyone of us owe God a death, it’s up to us to make sure we have lived..

Life is short - get on with yours..

Thank you friend - reader.        Blackheart